“He keeps telling me he really cares about me, but I know he hasn’t talked to my dad…”
“He’s too friendly and I don’t know what to do about it…”
“He keeps sending me gushy Facebook messages!”
“He follows me everywhere and asks me really personal questions!”
“He’s not marriage material yet but I hate to push away someone who likes me so much…”
“He stopped me in the store and asked me for my name and phone number…”
“He is just so sensitive and sweet and affectionate toward me – I know he’s pushing his boundaries, but I’m starting to fall for him anyway…”
“He asked me for a date, but I’m committed to courtship!” 

We had fun at Bright Lights role-playing these scenarios. As you can see, some of us were a lot more into it than others:) But these are very real problems...problems that we often don't realize we have the power to change. How, you ask?

Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin give us some ideas...
If Don Juan accosts you in the dentist’s office waiting room and tries to charm you out of your phone number, a firm “I don’t give out my personal details to people I don’t know” is usually sufficient.

If Lancelot might be a possibility someday, but is acting like he wants to be married now– pushing the boundaries of your friendship and letting it get a little too emotionally intense way too early – it’s usually possible to remind him of what’s appropriate in your own respectfully reserved conduct. If he doesn’t take the hint, you can ask your father to talk to him about it.

If Romeo seems smitten with you and showers you with attention and compliments (and is exactly the sort of Montague your parents do not approve of), you can make it very clear in your cool but respectful manner that you are not interested in sharing a balcony scene with him.

If your friend Han Solo asks if he can take you for a ride in the Millennium Falcon and you are affronted because it is a bucket of bolts and you’ve already kissed romantic intergalactic joyrides goodbye (and you’d rather kiss a wookiee anyway) – you don’t have to tell him so rudely; there is a polite way to say, for example, “Have you checked with my dad on that?”

If Edward Cullen is stalking you in a creepy manner, always staring at you across the room and trying to corner you so he can ask you creepy questions about yourself – you can respond so honestly (“Yes, I believe in Total Depravity”), seriously (“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how God judges sin”), and confidently (“What is your position on supralapsarianism vs. infralapsarianism?”) that he will probably never come ask you questions again. If something firmer is needed, your father or brothers should be able to do the job.

If Willoughby wants to take you on a solitary ramble to read Shakespeare’s sonnets and then have you stay home from church so he can ask you a Very Particular Question, you’d better be sure your father or father-figure is fully behind what W. is doing. If you know that W. is not playing by the rules, you can point him towards the right person to ask, or ask your father to talk to him.
-excerpt from this book that is supposed to be reaching me soon!

What do you think? Is this doable in 'real' life?


  1. I LOVE Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin's new book!!! Every girl should read it. It was definitely very eye-opening, practical, and inspiring.

  2. Hi Sarah! Wow, sounds like its a great book:) I can't wait to read it!


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