Learning to Say: "The End"

We didn't know it then but this was the last Bright Lights meeting!

Bright Lights has been such a big part of my life ever since we started in Singapore over 8 years ago. Back then, Bright Lights meetings used to be over 5 hours long! So it is not surprising that planning and coordinating meetings took up a good part of my week. Even so, it was so enjoyable and I learnt so much that all the effort hardly felt like work. I loved the new girls that we would meet, the leaders I got to work with, and eventually the friends that became so dear. Looking back, I definitely wouldn't trade those times for anything!

Over the years, things changed. Some girls moved away, some girls got "too old" for Bright Lights, some girls pursued "broader" paths, but the saddest thing of all to me was seeing girls get "too busy". Messages unreplied and promises to come unkept...yet all the while, everyone continued to affirm how important Bright Lights was to them and that it should keep on going. It became clear that the issue was as Charles Hummel noted in his booklet "Tyranny of the Urgent": "our dilemma goes deeper than shortage of time; it is basically a problem of priorities".

As the group size dwindled, it became clear that questions had to be asked. Did we need to change something about the way we were doing things? Or was it God's will that the group be small? Or was this a sign that we should stop meetings? Whatever the answer was, I knew that I should not be influenced by sentimentality for a ministry. Bright Lights is a great ministry but God's work is not confined to an organisation. Since our allegiance is not to one ministry but to serving the Lord, it seemed that sometimes the ending of a ministry might bring greater fruit and more opportunities as opposed to keeping to status quo. 

And so, yes, we ended Bright Lights meetings here in Singapore. I was sad with how it had to end, a little anti-climactic and announced over a whatsapp message. It's easy to buy into lies that a successful ministry is one that has the longest history and hence the ending of Bright Lights was my failure. But I know that these thoughts are not true because all ministry is the Lord's, not ours! So I'm excited to see what the Lord has in store next, and most importantly, I'm glad to know with certainty that God is in control and He will guide us each step of the way. 

"I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth." - 1 Corinthians 3:6-7

This blog might stay dormant for a while but you never know what's next...cause there's no such thing as "the end" with our Lord, only new beginnings! :)

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A Stylishly Modest Wardrobe

Being a well dressed person involves more than just looking nice. We see through creation that God is a God who loves beauty. He could have made just one type of flower or created the world in black and white but He didn’t. I remember meeting a blind lady who despite her disability, still took the trouble to dress beautifully. Her colourful clothing sent the message that she was grateful to God. Similarly, when we dress modestly yet stylishly, we do more than look nice - we are sending a message that we serve a good God.

Shopping Smart

Why? Many times we walk through the mall and buy whatever catches our eye. However, that results in a wardrobe that has beautiful clothes that don't really go together. Buying basics and shopping smart will eliminate the problem of having a wardrobe full of clothes yet still having to lament “I have nothing to wear!”
How?

• Only buy a piece of clothing if you can think of other clothes in your wardrobe that you can wear with it. 
• Learn from your past shopping mistakes to figure out what you like and what you don’t. 
• Consider your lifestyle and the types of clothes you need. For example, if you seldom attend wedding dinners, you might not need a whole lot of fancy dresses. 
• Keep a list of things you need to make your closet complete so you know what you really need when you go shopping. Often, it’s better to buy quality clothing over quantity. Buying a $50 skirt that you wear once a week is a better investment than buying a $10 skirt you only wear once in your life. 
• Shopping requires work! If you see something you like that is too expensive, remember to stop by the store a few weeks later and it might be on sale.

Check out Audrey's series on Building a Remixable Wardrobe for more great ideas!

Clothes for Different Occasions

Why? It’s not so much what your personal style is but figuring out how to be dressed appropriately wherever you go.

How?

• Observe and take note of what others are wearing. It’s always better to be a little overdressed than underdressed. Some things such as T-shirts and flip flops are commonly worn by people everywhere they go but are not always appropriate. 
• By changing your accessories and what you match something with, you can often change a piece of clothing from formal to informal or vice versa.

Take Note of Proportions

Why? Especially for skirts, a higher waistline usually looks better. Having the right proportions makes you look put together and also can make you look taller!

How?

• Tuck in your shirt. 
• Use a belt to define your waist. 
• It works a little differently for each person based on your body type so try different things out in front of a full-length mirror to see what works best for you!

Choosing Colours & Patterns

Why? It’s important to have a good mix of colours and neutrals to make your wardrobe interesting.

How?

• Find out the colours that look good on you. Do you prefer bright colours? Pastel colours? Neutral colours? Black? 
• Go through your closet and find out what colours you need to add.

Layering & Accessorising

Why? These are easy ways to make an outfit look better!

How?

• Play with proportions. For example, wear a longer cardigan with a high waist outfit. It’s easy to forget about buying sweaters or blazers since the weather here (in Singapore) is so hot but often you can find short sleeved versions so you can layer while staying cool. 
• Sometimes, you might be given sleeveless clothing that isn’t modest but looks nice. Keep these for layering!

Lastly…

1. Always take an extra look at the mirror before leaving the house. If in doubt, change!
2. Get a Pinterest account, search "Modest Fashion" and pin those that you love. Get ideas from other's modest outfits! Ask yourself, What makes this outfit work? Here's how my Pinterest board looks like!
3. Visit Polyvore and practice putting together modest outfits for various occasions. 
4. Take time to read style blogs or observe what you like about the way the people around you dress. I recommend Olivia's blog on Fresh Modesty!

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Arguing and Disputing

We had a really fun meeting last week, discussing how to keep from arguing and disputing. It was a really good topic to reflect on, share notes on what we had learned in this area and give advice to those who were in difficult situations. 

The first question we each answered when we arrived at Bright Lights was: When was the last time you had an argument and how did it happen? Unfortunately, though most of us would argue (hehe) that we don't have a problem in this area, we realised that every one of us had had an argument either that day or the day before. 

Anyway, Leah came up with a great activity to reinforce this lesson and here's what we did!

Activity: How Not To Argue...
1) The girls should be split into groups of twos or fours.
2) They, each group, should be given a handwritten scenario of a common argument*.

3) The girls must act out the scenario that has been given to them, and the correction of that scenario.

After the three steps above, have a short discussion asking the following three questions:

• How could you have kept the argument from starting?
• How could you have stopped the argument from continuing?
• How could you have corrected things after the argument in order to keep bitterness/anger at bay?

*(note that the scenarios need to be prepared in advance)

Do all things without complaining and disputing. That you may be blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. - Philippians 2:14

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Because It's Been a Long Time Since...

...we posted a group picture! Unfortunately, though this is the most recent one I have, it's from last September! And the picture quality is kinda blah. Oh well, better late than never...better a picture than none! Love these girls!!

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Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

- Steve Green

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“He keeps telling me he really cares about me, but I know he hasn’t talked to my dad…”

“He’s too friendly and I don’t know what to do about it…”

“He keeps sending me gushy Facebook messages!”

“He follows me everywhere and asks me really personal questions!”

“He’s not marriage material yet but I hate to push away someone who likes me so much…”

“He stopped me in the store and asked me for my name and phone number…”

“He is just so sensitive and sweet and affectionate toward me – I know he’s pushing his boundaries, but I’m starting to fall for him anyway…”

“He asked me for a date, but I’m committed to courtship!” 

We had fun at Bright Lights role-playing these scenarios. As you can see, some of us were a lot more into it than others:) But these are very real problems...problems that we often don't realize we have the power to change. How, you ask?

Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin give us some ideas...

If Don Juan accosts you in the dentist’s office waiting room and tries to charm you out of your phone number, a firm “I don’t give out my personal details to people I don’t know” is usually sufficient.

If Lancelot might be a possibility someday, but is acting like he wants to be married now– pushing the boundaries of your friendship and letting it get a little too emotionally intense way too early – it’s usually possible to remind him of what’s appropriate in your own respectfully reserved conduct. If he doesn’t take the hint, you can ask your father to talk to him about it.

If Romeo seems smitten with you and showers you with attention and compliments (and is exactly the sort of Montague your parents do not approve of), you can make it very clear in your cool but respectful manner that you are not interested in sharing a balcony scene with him.

If your friend Han Solo asks if he can take you for a ride in the Millennium Falcon and you are affronted because it is a bucket of bolts and you’ve already kissed romantic intergalactic joyrides goodbye (and you’d rather kiss a wookiee anyway) – you don’t have to tell him so rudely; there is a polite way to say, for example, “Have you checked with my dad on that?”

If Edward Cullen is stalking you in a creepy manner, always staring at you across the room and trying to corner you so he can ask you creepy questions about yourself – you can respond so honestly (“Yes, I believe in Total Depravity”), seriously (“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how God judges sin”), and confidently (“What is your position on supralapsarianism vs. infralapsarianism?”) that he will probably never come ask you questions again. If something firmer is needed, your father or brothers should be able to do the job.

If Willoughby wants to take you on a solitary ramble to read Shakespeare’s sonnets and then have you stay home from church so he can ask you a Very Particular Question, you’d better be sure your father or father-figure is fully behind what W. is doing. If you know that W. is not playing by the rules, you can point him towards the right person to ask, or ask your father to talk to him.

-excerpt from this book that is supposed to be reaching me soon!

What do you think? Is this doable in 'real' life?

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When you have to say: I was wrong

"Researchers have discovered that 'sorry' isn't the hardest word to say - because three quarters of people rarely mean it. Seven out of ten people are not being honest when they apologise and simply say sorry to avoid confrontation or end an argument." -http://www.onepoll.com/press-archive/when-we-say-we-sorry-lie

Maybe 'sorry' isn't that hard of a word to say but admitting you were wrong and clearing your conscience takes a great deal of courage!

As I was growing up, my mom had one rule that we all knew that we weren’t allowed to break – no watching of the television. Well, one day when my mom was out running some errands, I was bored and decided that I would watch the television. It felt like I had discovered a forbidden paradise! 

Soon, my mom came back home and she didn’t find out what I had done so I continued doing that whenever she was out of the house. I felt bad about it and I knew that I was doing something that was wrong but it was hard to stop doing something that was so enjoyable. Many times when I read the Bible or listened to sermons in church I would feel really convicted but I told myself that I might confess to my mom someday, just not right then. 

This continued for a long time. One day, I decided that I couldn’t stand that guilty feeling and decided that I would confess my sin. But the thought of how angry my mom would be made me quickly postpone the idea. So I decided to confess it only to God. That was a win-win situation, I reasoned. My mom wouldn't know (and get angry) and I could erase my guilty feelings (or so I thought). Well, obviously that didn't work. Finally, I was so convicted that I decided I had to confess it to my mom. 

It was really hard but I realized that all the excuses I had for not confessing my sin were lies that satan had been using to hinder me. Of course, my mom forgave me and the immediate release and peace I felt was so worth it. 

Clearing your conscience might seem unnecessary and trivial to some but it is a really important habit that we should all cultivate in our lives!

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Desire the Very Best Marriage

We talked about the three different kinds of love in the Bible...Phileo, Agape and Eros. We discussed the three basic differences between recreational dating and Biblical courtship. All in all, it was an encouraging time of discussion and fellowship and I know I really enjoyed it!

Some questions that we pondered were...

• It is said that God is the best writer of love stories. Why do you think that is so?
• What does radiant purity entail?
• What are some possible consequences of marrying a non-believer?
• Why do you think it is important to make marriage the goal in a romantic relationship?

In our hands is a craft we ended with. Flowers again...but this time out of organza and satin. They required sewing and that was definitely a lesson in patience and perseverance! Some of us did end up with quite presentable flowers but others were sadly forced to relegate their creations to the bin:)

Chapter 1 and 2 of Before You Meet Prince Charming down! Even though many of us have read the book before, there's still a lot of information to process. May the Lord speak clearly about His will in this area for each of us!

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Of Flowers and Parents

Tea Lights is planned and taught not by me but by two fifteen-year-olds...Elisabeth and Natasha. Lest you think that I...1. do not like teaching younger girls 2. am trying to absolve some responsibility...let me explain that the purpose of this is to give these "younger girls" some training in leadership that has so greatly benefited myself! As of now, I still attend tea lights but am mostly there to support them. Its been encouraging to see their enthusiasm, willingness and diligence:) They've been doing a wonderful job!

At this meeting, we talked about the importance of respecting and honouring our parents...on top of that, developing a relationship with them! We ended off by making these pretty crepe paper flowers. They were a little unwieldy for little hands but finally, the flowers took shape and the girls attached them to cards of appreciation for their parents.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." -Ephesians 6:1

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The Ultimate Goal: To Love God & Give Him Glory

 

2012 is a year of change for our Bright Lights group! Our age range of 10-21 year olds was becoming a challenge...especially in choosing helpful topics for all ages. So after 5 years of meetings, we decided to split into two groups. Tea Lights for the 8-13 year olds and Bright Lights for the 14-21 year olds.

The older girls (Bright Lights) are doing Sarah Mally's "Before You Meet Prince Charming" (BYMPC) as a set this year. An exciting topic for girls:)

"The Ultimate Goal" was our discussion for our first meeting. We discussed a story I stumbled across on the internet "The Good Christian Girl: A Fable". A story with a most shocking end to a seemingly ideal beginning. Sadly, a story that is also very real!

Some questions we discussed...

• Can you identify with this girl's struggles? Why or why not?
• When was the beginning of this girl's troubles? Of whose fault were her troubles?
• Look for verses in the Bible that support or reject the "knowing ones" advice.
• Re-write the end of this story. What changes could this girl make in her life to get back on the right track?
• What is the main message you will take home from this story?

For me, the biggest lesson from this story is that it is not enough to know the right things or even do the right things in regards to purity. If our motive for it all is simply to have a good marriage, we are focusing on a temporal goal. Our ultimate goal should be, just like everything else in life, to love God and to bring glory to His name! Without this ultimate goal established, our study of BYMPC will accomplish little.

The ultimate goal is by no means easy to achieve but let's commit to making it OUR ultimate goal with the Lord's enabling!

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Honouring Your Parents

So we had yesterday's Bright Lights meeting at Abi's beautiful house!

Thanks for letting us meet at your house Abi :)

Our lesson was on honouring our parents, so, can all of you think of ways in which we can honour our moms and dads?

Well firstly, why do we honour our parents?

Because God has placed them in authority over us, and another obvious answer is because we love them!

Ways to Honour Your Parents:

1. Commit yourself to wanting a good relationship with them your whole life.

God puts us in our specific, individual families for our good. Honour your parents at all times, not because they are perfect (they're human too!), but because God has commanded you to.

2. Honour their authority - they are God-given!

Be thankful for them.

Be willing to submit to them.

Recognize the value of your parents' advice. There is much wisdom in the "hoary head"!

3. Maintain a clear conscience with them.

No secrets!

4. Avoid doing things that dishonour your parents.

Don't spread "funny jokes" about your parents.

Don't be disrespectful, don't complain.

Personally I feel that oftentimes I complain and murmur about my parents and their shortcomings without even realizing. So I think it would be good for us to be more sensitive to our parents' feelings just as they try their best to be sensitive to ours.

5. Encourage your parents.

We could honour them in little ways e.g. thanking them for their cooking, praying for them and with them, being cheerful around them (how many of us pull long faces when we're at home?), serve willingly and volunteer to help around the home, and take initiative! Don't wait for your parents to ask you to help; volunteer your services first!

Compliment and praise your parents. Don't we feel happy when others praise us for something? Our parents are people too!

Remember their special occasions - birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

Write notes and give them special gifts to encourage and show your appreciation to them.

Treat your parents as your best friends!

Give your heart to them; make them feel important.

Make what is important to them important to you.

Enjoy your parents as one of God's greatest blessings to us.

Be proud of your parents!

For those of you who couldn't attend our last meeting, do try to do this activity in your own personal devotions!

1. Write down three specific things you appreciate about your mom.

2. Write down two things you can pray for her.

3. Write down a word of encouragement for her. (And tell her about it! :))

4. Do the above three things for your dad!

After we did that activity, we went upstairs to share what we wrote...

And yes... Some of us were up on the roof... Shhh :)

Ming Hui and Natasha got the best spot in the garden.

And this is all of us who were there!

Plus Danielle, of course, who was taking this picture. So...

Here's a picture specially dedicated to you, Danielle! :)

And this was Madison's last Bright Lights :(((

We will miss you and will all be praying for you Madison!

All the best in your studies and in whatever you do, always seek the Lord first!

Deuteronomy 5:16 "Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."

Proverbs 1:8-9 "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck."

Remember to pray for Madison. And for all those who are away too!

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Disrespect

We had our last meeting (which was more than a week ago :D) at the Lynch's, with "President Abi" leading us because Jolynn's away. :(!

(Btw, Abi's doing a GREAT job. Thanks Abi!)

We played Ninja!

And there's Petra in a very unique pose :P

Proverbs 15:20 "A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother."

Abi mentioned that oftentimes we respect our friends' parents but we show disrespect towards our own parents. This is not acceptable, of course, and we're actually being hypocrites if we do so.

How to overcome disrespect:

1. Find the root of the problem. Examine yourself, your attitudes.

2. Purpose to take the position of humility!

3. Ask the Lord to reveal to you any area of disrespect in your life.

4. Confess wrong attitudes and disrespect. (Disrespect is sin!)

5. Ask for forgiveness.

Purpose to seek the HIGHEST standard in this area of your life! Not your own, not your friends', not the world's, but GOD'S yardstick :)

And then we did an activity!

My group with our recipes :)

Eph 6:2-3 "Honour thy father and thy mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth."

Isn't it wonderful that God always has so many promises for us? And He keeps them all too!

Have a blessed week, girls :)

And remember to pray for Jolynn!!

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DAD: an important part of my life

Wow, its been a long time since our last post! Thankfully, our meetings have not been as neglected as this blog! At our last meeting, we learned how to turn our hearts to our dads. We found out that that including doing things such as asking him for counsel, praying for him, expressing gratefulness, communicating with him and making it our goal to please him.

During our activity time, we put two of these points to practice. First, we prayed for our dads in six areas:

1. For his work

3. For his relationship with our mom

4. For his health and protection

5. For his leadership of our family

Next, we divided into groups and wrote poems to our dads.

I was impressed by the different ones each group wrote! Some were funny, some were serious, but all were interesting and original:) 

Abigail's team...

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Families need a father

As a guiding hand

To offer us assistance

Help, but not command

Eager to serve us till the end

Rest he will in the promised land!

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 D'Ette's reflective poem...

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The storms of life produce many problems

And sometimes I just can't solve them

My father dear, will help me here

To strive to rise above them

Although he is not perfect

With many weaknesses to spare

I trust and believe in God's good will

My dad will always be there 

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Danielle's most humorous poem...

Esther reading her team's poem...

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My Father in heaven gave me someone

To love me, protect me and such

I never knew he could be so much fun

Daddy I love you so much!

My Father in heaven gave me someone

To learn from and show me the Lord

And tell how He created the moon and the sun

The Bible to use as my sword

Daddy, I'll never be finished with you

No matter what happens, I love what you do!

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As you can see from the photos, a lot of concentration and effort was put into the writing of the poems!

Oh, and I love how many of you put what we learned during the lesson into your poems:) I see some familiar words...storms of life, protection, etc. A great job everyone! Hope your dads loved your poems as much as I did!!

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Courtship

Bright Lights meetings have resumed after our break in June! And I'm back to blog again! :) Anyways, the past meeting on July 19th was on Courtship, at the Lynches'. I thought it would be hard to teach the small group and lead the discussion because Courtship is a very diverse topic, but by God's grace many of the girls were willing to open up and share from their life. And we had a great discussion! These are some aspects of Courtship that Jolynn included in the worksheet:

There was dinner that day! We used to have dinner at every meeting, but now it's been changed to every three meetings. So of course everyone's happy when a meeting includes dinner! And these are some pictures of all the fun and crazy things we do, like play those clapping games and Broken Telephone Line and whatnot. Well, till the next meeting, God bless you!

"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." - Philippians 4:8

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Discernment - and several people's birthdays!

Petra, Amiel, Jolynn, Claudia, Wei Lyn, Madison and myself celebrated our birthdays at Bright Lights last monday! The very yummy carrot cake was baked by Natalie S. :))

Taking turns to blow out the candles! :)

I'm sorry for the lack of posts here! Despite the fact that we don't post very often, we still are having fun and learning lots of stuff at Bright Lights! This week's topic was Discernment.

What can we learn from doctors and detectives?

• Discernment waits to get all the facts; it doesn't jump to conclusions.
• Discernment asks questions.
• Discernment seeks counsel.
• Discernment examines details - search the Bible for "clues".
• Discernment learns from past experiences.
• Discernment observes history

We also had a lot of fun playing Balderdash and a truth-and-lies lava dash where the girls had to distinguish between a truth and a lie which was written on a piece of paper, and by stepping on the truths were able to get to the other side. :)

"Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves."

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Meekness and weakness?

 

Mention meekness and the first thing that comes to mind is probably a doormat. A doormat helplessly allows people to step on it and that's just want a meek person does...right? So, a meek person must be a weak person who isn't able to stand up for himself! But think about it this way, suppose I walked up to you and gave you a tight slap on the face. Would it be easier for you to shout at me or would it be easier to forgive me and remain silent? Meekness is hard! It requires great strength of character. Let no one be mistaken. Meakness is NOT weakness. It is power under control.

"Let nothing be done with strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." -Philippians 2:3

In meeting news...

We celebrated the birthdays of four very sweet girls! (from left: Abi, Amber, Liz and Leah) Hope you all had or will have a great birthday! Thanks Danielle for baking the cake!

As this was our last meeting of the year, we had DIY ice-cream sundaes and also an activity in which we wrote encouraging notes to each other on paper taped to our backs. That was fun!

Danielle, obviously enjoying it all :D

"Trains" starting forming everywhere. One moment there might be nobody behind you, but the next minute there might be four or five people.
Quite scary:)

Thank you all for being sooo encouraging! I was encouraged when I read the little notes you all left on my back:) Till our next meeting...Bye!!

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